In Rooms

 In Rooms began as a visual diary in the winter of 2011 when I first picked up a 35mm camera. Since August 2014, after acquiring a Hasselblad, it has taken on the form of an ongoing visual narrative and abstract diary, primarily self portraits. I picked up the camera as a tool to express myself, as a method to escape my moods and release them. For all the words I could never write, the camera became my pen - In Rooms is my story, photography is my vitality.

Influenced by psychoanalysis, Jungian's shadow work and the surrealist art movement, In Rooms aims to channel the unconscious mind as a means to unleash our imagination and liberate our repressed fears and desires.

My subjects are myself, and people that I love or admire deeply - people that I get to know over time and study their inner worlds of violence, desire, madness and fear, like my own. Moments In Rooms feel real, whether lived, observed, dreamed or hallucinated.  As much as I script the story, I also let the story tell itself, as it comes to me in each room. As I evolve - as my characters do - so does the story and I let it.  In Rooms is my legacy, left for generations to come to study, to seek inspiration from, to find answers to questions unknown. 

All work is printed by me in the darkroom, any manipulation is done in camera or in the darkroom. In some kind of hypnosis, listening to classical music, I pour my soul into each print.

The following are diary entries before I started taking pictures...

January 22, 2006

I was eighteen years old, alone in a run down hotel room with a man I barely knew. While fastened against the wall listening to the shutter click and the film wind, I fell in love, highly aware of his gaze behind the lens

It was then I took notice of the intimate space between the photographer and his subject. For years I served as the muse to many; I entered room after room, disrobing, letting these artists, men and women, look at me, project onto me -- see through me. All this time these artists observed me; yet I observed them too, and their craft, ever so diligently.

October 18th, 2010

I was twenty three years old, alone in a cockroach infested apartment, in Guangzhou, China.

Frame by frame my thoughts were haunted by these memories, these rooms, thinking of the intense intimate connections isolated through the entrance and exit of these spaces and how these experiences mirrored my own unstable image of my identity and sexuality. In creating an intimate portrait in the context of a private room, there is something unsettling, unnerving -- a moment of truth between the observer and the observed that so often is lost. 

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